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I am looking for harmony

I am looking for harmony, in all things I do. The first and most important thing when comes the time to make a decision is: does it flow? is it fluid? does it come naturally?

Harmony, serenity, peace, fluidity are words I live by. They make my world a better place, they make me want to live another day, they put a smile on my face and make me breathe more deeply.

For as long as I can remember I have always sought for those feelings. And successfully failed (is that a thing??) numerous times. I still do.

As I grew up, became an adult (haha) and realised life was actually up to me (who knew?? I grew up thinking others people – adults – had the answers and I just had to listened to them) that I actually became that adult who supposedly had the answers (that truth hit me hard) I just took some time (is 5 years too long?) to dot the Is and cross the Ts.

I may as well have gone on a spiritual retreat in an Indian Ashram (could have made the journey shorter) but to be honest I’m quite cheap – and nothing makes be happier than doing things on my own (I live for the pleasure to say ‘I did it’ but don’t tell anyone).

The thing is, I discovered life made only sense to me if there was harmony, if things would go fluidly. I better tell you now; nowadays life ain’t breathing any harmony. It’s like we had chosen the most difficult and hardly rewarding path and kept going. No wonders we all become sick and burnt out. That’s a debate for another day.

So. Harmony.

Fast forward to my life now (let’s stay on topic shall we?): I am working from home. My husband is working from home (which for me feels really good). We have a baby. (YAy/Ouch). We have enough money to pay all of our bills, our activities and save money. My mum is living with us (temporary situation but we actually quite love the experience!). I have friends. I am healthy. I feel pretty happy. I am pleased to say that I have managed to bring harmony in everything in my life.

And yet.

There are days I’d rather just go back to bed. There are decisions I make that are not in the right timing or just bad (meaning make my life at that time way harder!). There are things I say, I think, I judge, I feel that really feel unpleasant. I’m running out of time. I’m stressed out (usually because of no one but me #Ididit). I am exhausted (Well, I’ve got the baby to blame… some times). You see the picture.

I think I live a life that could be more harmonious. But not by much.

The harmony that lacks only comes from my own heart.

There are lessons I still haven’t finish to learn:

  • Taking care of myself (you can’t pour from an empty cup)
  • knowing how to graciously say no without offending anyone
  • staying in tune with my feelings 24/7 so I don’t have to wait 2 days to say ‘Oh actually when you did xxx I felt xxx’)
  • deeply knowing that I am worthy of the best case scenario
  • trusting that I can have a totally harmonious life
  • knowing that harmony doesn’t mean only good, it’s knowing how to graciously navigate through life that make it harmonious
  • owning my dream of a harmonious world

This is probably the top of the iceberg and there will (most likely) be more lessons to be learned. One step at a time.

If you are too thriving when things feel good, loving it when everything falls naturally into places you might also be suffering from the ‘harmonious syndrome’.

Let me know in the comments how it makes you feel to witness harmony in your life.

Until next time,

F xx

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