A few days ago I was talking about how I hate being rushed to do things.
It makes me feel so anxious and stressed.
So this morning I wondered why:
- I feel like I will make the wrong decision
- I feel like I am not clever enough, not smart enough to make the right decision if I can’t think properly
- I feel like I am inapt
- I freeze and my mind goes blank
So I dug a bit deeper to find out where it started:
- when I was 8 I failed a maths test, and my dad is maths teacher. lol
- I truly believed at the time that I did everything right and did not understand that mark
- To ‘help me’ get better at it I had to complete the 1001 maths exercises book. Took me weeks!
- Although it wasn’t it still felt like punishment
- I felt like my own logic wasn’t right for this world
- several other occasions over the years ‘confirmed’ that belief
It led me to:
- not trust myself entirely
- ask for people’s approval regarding my answers
- be strongly triggered by events that require immediate reaction (I can’t trust my instinctive answer)
- act in total control freak (which always fails of course and leads to more stress)
- either avoid difficult situation or force myself to face them (the time I passed my driving license after 2 fails VS when I passed my competitive exam for physio)
What I an doing now that I know:
- let go of the need to control the outcome
- train my mind to make decision and trust that hey will be good enough
- be more and more mindful of those experiences
- go back to the feeling of unconditional trust and love
- remember that my logic may be different but is still worthy
- experience trusting my first reaction and wait for the results, assess them objectively
- always take a deep breath and take that 1s to decide what to do
- Remember that I am an ADULT and my decisions have been awesome enough to lead me where I am now (which I love) so everything is good
- share with you all the junk thoughts but try to put them in order first 😀
How do you react when you have to make instant decision?