My inner work has recently been entirely about this tiny little details.
After years of raising my consciousness, being mindful more and more every day I am now able to distinguish the rise of an emotion.
Now the work is to decide wether or not I chosse (actively choose) how to react to said emotion.
When anger, frustration or rage hit it’s very hard for me to breathe deeply and remain conscious and calm. Serenity fails me and I am back to destroying and avenging my name. Quite the drama queen. I know.
But I take my chances and share honestly my inner process because I know I am not alone. You dear reader, might be one that feel me.
There is a moment (usually a blink of an eye) where I have to decide. And believe me the urge of unleashing this emotional tsunami is strong and prevails more often than it should.
In this second, with practice, I am starting to see the cross paths.
With practice (and so much sheer will) I can slow down long enough and come back to what really matters. I can come back to facts (that’s what works for me) and with effort let go of this destructive energy. I refocus my attention and manage to say intelligible words.
Are you with me?
It doesn’t mean I am holding back. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be angry. It means I can choose.
Sometimes it is good for me to unleash my inner death goddess. Sometimes it is just right for me to say something constructive and build a bridge.
I live to pick my fight and choose willingly what to do with my energy (much like time management if you ask me).
Reach my higher self.
Bear in mind who I am, who I am deeply.
All of that in less than a second.
I can tell you, bringing all my awareness to how my energy is being spent has been hugely insightful. I changed my life, and it’s only the beginning.